The Land of Plenty

Living in the literal “land of plenty” can be at the best times disconcerting. We have so much and yet we have so little. I know it sounds trite and overused but things don’t make people happy and man do we have lots of things to fill our emptiness. I do admit that at times I wonder what it would be like to be very wealthy, to fly first class, to shop in the best stores with careless abandon or to never have to worry about whether or not the income is going to pay all the bills but most of the time I feel positively rich.

Having traveled to numerous very poor places I have not been able to forget the poverty I saw there. I saw and tasted and felt the anguish of the poor who could not even provide the basics for their children. Children who die daily because they can not get simple antibiotics which are so readily available elsewhere. It is enough to make one feel totally helpless. I never take a hot shower for granted. I thank God each time the heavy flow of hot, really hot water, showers down on me. I remember the tiny children with bloated bellies full of parasites and empty of food, naked but for a few scraps of clothes. I remember the people offering me as a guest more than they could afford their own children and how I stealthily passed the food on to the children as the parents were not looking. I gave away what I could to them, most of what I brought with me but I was easily able to buy what I needed when I returned home, they were not. I was amazed at what so many survive on enduring hard physical labor every single day of their lives. These people, in this case the native people of Guatemala, do not have weight issues, unless it is being underweight while a good bit of the developed world struggles not to eat ourselves to death.

Yet I saw real joy, laughter and happiness in the midst of their suffering.  Families enjoyed time with each other and enjoyed simple pleasures of visiting their neighbors and looking forward to the time of their city’s patron saint celebration or some other celebration of which they have quite a few. Something is missing, I think in our land of plenty. It is something internal. We have lost our way so to speak. Though we fill our lives with more and more of the products which we are told will make us sexier, slimmer, more macho or whatever we are supposed to want to be we are no more happy but pretty miserable. With the advent of technology and science we are supposed to be so advanced and yet we are no more happy than when we were living in much simpler conditions. There is no real way to go back, we have opened up Pandora’s Box for better or worse and yet do we have to go back?

This post has sort of taken on a life of its own I meant it to be about how stressful Christmas time can be but this is what came out. I’m fearing that this post is going to make me sound holier than thou and totally depressed and I am neither.I am generally a very happy and hopeful person but sometimes and often at this time of the year I sink down some.

I am not an ascetic, nor do I think I should be. I live in the material world every day. I long for gadgets to make my life more interesting and less difficult and I love the technology that I am able to use and yet I do feel the discord of living in the land of plenty while so many are empty inside. I struggle that I am worrying about what to buy my children so they can be happy at Christmas time when I know that what will really make them happy is nothing they will find under that Christmas tree but something they will find deep within. Yet,  just like all loving parents I would feel useless if I did not buy them the things they want and of course the things they need. It seems a paradox to me and one of the reasons I get down at this time of the year.

Remember to give lots of hugs and kisses and pats on the back, give out lots of compliments even if you have to stretch the truth a bit. Go visit your neighbor who never gets out, babysit for the mom who’s tearing her hair out because she never gets a break. Give of yourself this Christmas as Jelly says and you will give a real gift, one more valuable than anything you can buy at the store. Have a very merry time of it and God bless you all.

Mimi

Short and Sweet

This is an editorial I wrote to my local newspaper and it was printed today. I don’t seem to be able to get five minutes to sit and compose a post so this will have to do for a while.

I have recently read two articles on how 11 and 12 year old
girls are giving up the princess costumes for the Playboy ones and how their
parents just don’t know what to do. The last time I checked 12 year old girls
can not drive to the party store and use credit cards to purchase these sleazy
and expensive outfits. I sit and scratch my head and wonder what happened to
the parents who simply say, no. These costumes would not be made sized for kids
if they weren’t being purchased. On Halloween night I took my kids around the
neighborhood trick-or-treating where I was rudely greeted by a gaggle of
screaming 12 year olds one of whom was dressed wearing only a coconut bra and
grass skirt. When I came face to face with her, the first thing that came out
of my mouth was, “You don’t have enough clothes on” as it was in the 50s.
Secondly, I asked, “Did your mother let you leave the house dressed that way?”
She said yes and looked shocked that I would even ask. Lastly, where was her
mom, dad or any adult chaperone and she raced away yelling with her coconut bra
and grass skirt?

Mimi

Branded

For once I was wondering what to write about for the last couple of days. As in talking, I can usually find something I have a strong opinion about and I’m one whose not afraid to share it. Anyway… I was reading the paper today and opened to an article titled Teen and Tween Quest for Style is Sophisticated and Expensive. I read,

Before Claire Stern goes back to school as a high school senior this fall, she needs a new tote. But not just any bag will do. “I want a tote bag by Jaye Hersh that the celebrities are wearing, they’re called Market Bags,” said stern, 17, who lives in Bronxville, New York. “It’s more stylish than a backpack.” The bags retail for more than $100 if they’re monogrammed, and Stern has noticed actresses Reese Witherspoon and Jessica Alba wearing them.

Stylish, yuck, these bags are ugly. They totally remind me of the plastic ugly things my mother used in the 1970′s. Ok, I realize beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and some might find them attractive but why pay $100 for this? I can get something much more beautiful at my local thrift store for $1 and I’m NOT KIDDING!
Sometimes I truly feel like an alien who has been dropped into a strange planet because so often I just don’t get it, often enough that I feel alien. Why would I want to spend $100 hard earned dollars on a bag being carried around town by people that I think are immoral and sleazy.  On this same subject, I refuse to wear designer labels unless I get them second hand and they are being recycled because if I am advertising someone’s brand they should be paying me not me being ripped off and then advertising for them for free. I did give fair warning at the beginning of this post that I have strong opinions. This ain’t even the half of it but the other half will have to wait for another blog post.

Back to Claire and what she “needs” for school. Excuse me but where are the parents who say NO to their children ridiculous whims and fancies. What kind of monsters are we creating?  If Claire who is 17 wants the damn bag so much let her get off  behind and get a job and see how hard it is to earn $100, especially after taxes and all the other deductions that will be yanked from her measly earnings from her job life-guarding. flipping burgers, babysitting, cashiering or whatever!  What kind of kids are we raising by buying them $100 designer bags when a $20 book bag used to be the best quality?I promise not to go into the “I walked a mile in snow to school when I was a kid” thing but in all honesty, I did put myself through college with no help from my parents who were not in a position to help me at the time. I did it by wanting a college degree and working about as hard as I could. I graduated debt free. I didn’t like the feeling of owing money, I still don’t.

Sometimes I feel bad that my kids don’t have as much spending money as their peers but then I remember I am teaching them something that will stick with them for the rest of their lives. If they want something they can work hard to earn it. In the end the most important things can not be bought with dollars and cents anyway, I think they might already know that. They don’t seem to be suffering by their lack of $100 designer bags.

More later of why I buy used items and it isn’t just because I’m cheap.

Mimi

Giving

Have you ever played an imaginary game with your kids naming all the things you would do if you won the lottery? It’s fun but can also be revealing. My younger girls talk about wanting three American Girl Dolls, or the ultimate a shopping spree at the mall. Poor girls what misfortune to have me as a mom, the mall hater. In the end we usually do get round to the giving to the poor or some other at least somewhat altruistic idea. I don’t play the lottery but I have wondered what would happen if I suddenly became rich.

I will never forget reading a Washington Post article a couple years ago about the man from West Virginia who won some millions in the lottery only to have his life deteriorate to the point that his wife of many years left him declaring, “I wish we’d never got that winning ticket”. Worse yet his beloved granddaughter killed herself and her young boyfriend with drugs. She was given $5000 cash a day as an allowance and it was reported that she and her young “friends” would drive around with cash flying out the window. The church he said he would build when he first wond the money was built but nobody would attend because they said it was built with blood money. He pretty much lost everything of value in his life. Sounds like a real live King Midas.

I love money only to the point that it gets me the simple things in life I need and some of the fun things I like and want but don’t need.

The other day my husband surprised me by saying out of the blue, “I wish we had more money”. I know this sounds strange but even though we live more simply than many I know I feel positively rich because I have what I really want in life; my family, a supportive church, a comfy house, a great neighborhood and we are all healthy. There are things I would like that I’m waiting on. I would love a new lens on my Nikon D 50 but at $799 I’m waiting and maybe for a long, long time. After all, that’s what the camera itself cost and furthermore as I read you can have the absolute best camera in the world and still take lousy pictures so for now I’m just going to use the kit lens and figure out all the options my camera itself  has.

I could care less about clothes and shoes, I cut everyone’s hair including my own and do my own nails. I drive a ten year old van which I love and to me it feels very luxurious. I have what I need and more. Rather than money if I could, I would rather understand all the mysteries of the universe but oh well for the meantime I’m just relying on good old fashioned faith with a good dose of reason thrown in.  Back to money though, my friend Joe wrote a post  about Warren Buffet giving lots of money to the Bill Gates foundation and like Joe I thought, gee I could think of many more need foundations but then who knows what Warren was thinking.

I asked Joe if Warren was related to Dorris and indeed I read today in the paper that she is. I have never met her in person but I love her Sunshine Lady Foundation. If you have the time it is worthwhile reading about her and her organization. She gives money to the poorest of the poor and helps out all the little organizations that do big helping. I have seen what she has done right in my community and it is wonderful. She funded a University class locally where each student was given $5,000 to work with and start their own charitable organization. What a great idea. I think the students learned much and hopefully can do this again in their future. Though Dorris has money to give there are many other ways to give also.  In the end though I guess I’d have to say, “it is better to give than receive”.

Trauma in Suburbia

Today I went shopping for a bathing suit. Four hours and seven stores later I found one. I had my teen advisory panel ( my daughter Anna) along for honest advice and moral support. Thanks Anna I couldn’t have done it without you. I have a serious question, who designs bathing suits?  My next question is how in the world can something so small and skimpy be so blasted expensive? In the end, I did manage to get one that fits, covers the essentials and doesn’t look like it was made for an overweight granny.

I really hate shopping, so much I would rather endure Chinese water torture whatever that is. I feel claustrophobic in crowds, hate the lighting, canned music, the smells and the vibes that if I just get this or that item I will surely be happy and have what I need in this life. The mall just seems like such an artificial environment full of people racing around filling their lives with "things" they mostly don’t need. I resent having to read rude and obnoxious statements on people’s clothing and to see the disrespectful way they treat their children. (Remember, "shut up or I’ll beat your ass", a true comment I heard a mother yell at her small child) I hate that advertisers are marketing (pimping) their sometimes rediculous styles to kids who feel if they do not spend equally rediculous sums of money on these items they will not be accepted by their peers. I know this sounds extreme, I tend to be that way.

Sometimes one must venture forth into the world of materialism and partake and I do; I am not an ascetic but I tend to shop when I actually need something. I have the good fortune to be the repository of hand me down clothing from friends and neighbors who have girls and do shop and spend hundreds and hundreds on clothing; expensive, in style clothing. So far only one of my girls has complained about her misfotune to have a mother who doesn’t buy her all new clothing two, three or more times a year. Truth be known she has worn mostly hand me downs for her entire nine years of life.

I know some of you alert readers are probably feeling really bad for her. At least only one out of four is mad at me (about the clothes that is) and while I feel bad for her I don’t feel bad enough to take her out to Hollister. By the way, as I was passing Hollister in our lovely mall today the male manequins who only had their lower halves anyway were sporting jeans that were so low slung I believe I could see they were anatomically correct, almost. Enough is enough, I’m tired of seeing people’s butt cracks, plumbers are one thing, but kids all over town, no thanks.

While I’m on the subject, underwear is just that ‘UNDER’ wear. I would think it would be much more comfortable and convenient just to walk around in underwear and forget the jeans buckled around the knees look.  I marvel that these mostly young men can walk at all with jeans around their knees. I’m sorry I am straying.

Back to the bathing suit, I am one of those odd moms (in more ways than one) who actually swims, as in everyday or at least three times a week. I swim for fitness as it is one of the best exercises one can do for weight loss and fitness. I love to swim and swim even in the winter so I actually need to find a suit on a regular basis as chlorine will eat a bathing suit in no time. I have gathered a few other moms who have all thanked me profusely for getting them moving in the water too. Not only do I swim but I go off the diving boards, including the high dive which our thirty year old pool still has, most new pools not only do not have any diving boards they don’t even allow diving, what fun is that? Back to the old sue happy folks that have taken all the fun out of the world for the rest of us.  I am just old enough at almost 46 to get a tiny thrill climbing the ladder of the 3 meter dive screaming "woo hoo" as I jump. I also remember that it is now my turn to embarrass my kids though in truth I think they think it’s cool that their mom is the only mom who does the high dive.

In conclusion, I have no conclusion as my brain is rather fried from my hours in the mall shopping for a new bathing suit. I could ramble on but I will end here. Thank you for your attention if you’ve made it this far.

Mimi

Is Bigger Always Better?

The first thing I noticed the first time I visited the UK was how small all the cars were. I like cars having had a dad who worked on them for a hobby and having seen and ridden in all kinds of neat old foreign cars, so I pay more attention to them than most women do. My dream car is the Mini Cooper with the Union Jack on top.
There just were no big honking gaz guzzlers anywhere, that I could see anyway. Having paid to fill up a small car I now know why. How’s over five dollars a gallon strike you for filling up? Gee, that would be over $100 to drive my “mini” van around, which isn’t so mini after all. Never mind the cost of gas there is another slightly difficult situation to deal with. The streets are tiny in many places. I have no idea how I would maneuver them in my family van, probably with my eyes closed and hope for the best. All the better I wasn’t driving, my husband was! We did  actually go through many spaces that were two-way but with only enough room for one car and a small one at that. Good thing people were able to take turns.

Back to the original subject though of is bigger always better? Well according to a friend who wrote a small piece for the Washington Post the answer to that would be no.  I would have to agree. It is different but not always better. One thing that is bigger in England which to me is definitely better is all the green spaces. They have what I was told is a “greenbelt law” which strictly prohibits growth outside the cities. While driving just minutes from a busy urban area you may find yourself in the middle of a sheep farm, in fact you are sure to find yourself in the middle of a sheep farm, they are all over the place, the sheep and the farms!

You might think I am being silly but it really had an impact on me. This is an island we are talking about  roughly the size of Montana. Thank God they have realized the importance of the green spaces and have preserved them. Not a day goes by in my town that I don’t see a barren field of mud where all the trees have been hacked down to put up yet another row of “pop up palaces” or chain stores that we already have at least two or three of.  It actually makes me feel sick. Do we really need more of these giant space wasters? I don’t think so. If we need housing, where’s the affordable housing to fill the needs of the majority of people? The issue isn’t one of the needs of many but of the pockets of a few. Even my children can clearly see that most people can not afford these “mcmansions”.  All right, I’m off my soapbox.

While in England we stayed in the home my husband was raised in, his 83 year old Father was raised in this same  house. It has a lot of memories for a lot of people.
It also happens to be a council house and it isn’t particularly large. It is enough though and that is what matters. We shared one toilet amoung eight people and yes occasionally someone would have to wait in line. We did manage to squeeze in up to ten people at the dining room table but always had enough room to serve tea when guests came to call.  Ok, I’ll admit I don’t want to live in a squeeze all the time but it made us really appreciate the space we have at home when we got back. We live in a comfy split foyer which I feel is about as near a palace as I need.
I mean, how many of you would like to really live in a palace? They don’t seem very homey to me but cold and dark and who’d clean the place? Then again, I suppose if you could afford the palace you could certainly afford the cleaning staff. I’ll stick to the split foyer anytime though.

In conclusion, sometimes bigger is better but not always.

Mimi